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Thanks, Jim! Your redneck sightings are breeding grounds for
nightmares! *LOLOL* I had fun looking in there...I'm sure I'll
contribute as I reminisce of my 30 years in Tennessee. I now live in
Grand Forks, North Dakota, and we have 'em up here, too, but they eat
lutefisk and all kindsa nasty stuff. I'll tell you another true story
for your sightings, though...
I decided after a hard day at work I'd stop in a little place across
from my new apartment and have a beer. I went in and asked for a beer
and went to knock some pool balls around to relieve some frustration.
A
man approached me. He was wearing a white leisure suit, black shirt
with
big collars and white Panama hat with black band, and had 3 and
three-thirds teeth. (Three of them had rotted down to where about a
third of a tooth was showing.) "Hey, Baby," he drawled, "I thank you's
about the purtiest thang I ever seen in here."
I looked at him in disbelief. "Let me see," I responded, "That's
because I walk upright, I have all my teeth, and the lower edge of
my
bustline is still higher than the top of my navel."
"Well, I don't know about all that," he said, "But you shore are purty.
Let's go get a six-pack and ride around."
"Let's don't and say we did," I said. He didn't get it. He didn't get
ahold of me, though, either.
I finished my one-sided game of pool and went across the street to my
apartment. I hadn't been in there more than a couple of minutes when
I
heard a knock on my door. It was him. I just "happened" to have a
shotgun in my hand that my dad had given me for Christmas when I was
14.
It hadn't had a shell in it in probably about 12 years, but he didn't
know that. He took a couple of steps back with his hands in the air.
"DAY-um, Baby! I just got some beer. Let's go riding around!"
I was livid. "I told you over there I wasn't going riding around. I
also told you I wasn't interested. It is *never* acceptable for you
to
follow me home *or* knock on my apartment door. If I catch you over
here again, I won't be nearly as nice, and I *will* call the police.
Comprende?"
He stood there a couple of seconds, still holding the six-pack in the
air, and asked "Well, can I call you sometime then?"
PEACE!~pass it on~
Kris
Take an Armchair Field Trip from my webpage!
http://members.tripod.com/~krisjones/index.html
Seize the moment. Remember all the women who
waved off the dessert cart on the Titanic.--Erma Bombeck
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