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A Redneck Fairy Tale

This is the story of a young redneck woman and a young redneck man. This story is true and reported, as told, to me by the young redneck woman. The names have been changed, not to protect their innocence but, to protect me. Mad rednecks can be really mean. Billie Sue, not Bobbie Joe, and Bubba (have you ever noticed rednecks usually have two names, Billy Bob, Jim Bob, Joe Bob, Bob Bob, and one of them is always Bob, but have you ever heard of a Bubba with two names. I guess one name is hard enough to remember) met and were swept away to redneck heaven. They fell deeply into redneck love and began doing redneck dating things (cow tipping, Richter scale belching, etc.), but Sarah June, I mean Billie Sue's favorite redneck date was coon hunting. Seems this is a seriously romantic redneck dating ritual. By my understanding this consist of a bunch of young redneck men and a bunch of young redneck women taking a caravan of pickup trucks, full of dogs, deep into the woods. What ensues is a lot of bragging, belching and beer drinking. The men also join in. Then the coon hunting begins. What do you do with a coon after you have it? The image this leaves me with is a bunch of loaded rednecks running around in the woods with loaded guns. Not a pretty picture.

Now Bobbie Sue or Billie Joe or whatever (they're interchangeable) and Bubba Bob the Third (comes from an rich redneck family) decide it's time to become Bubba and Bubbette and raise a herd of bubbalettes. As you probably know, not all fairy tales have a happy ending. Before the wedding can be planned Billie Jean Sue Joe's mother meets Bubba Bob the Second and sparks fly. They fall in desperate redneck lust and there becomes a senior Mr. and Mrs. Bubba Bob.

This part is the absolute truth and if you've ever had any dealings with redneck logic you'll know it. I asked Bobbie Sue Billie Joe how it was going with Bubba Bob III. She said and I quote "we can't date anymore because we're related now." Broke her little redneck heart. I'm waiting for mom and pop to divorce.

Update! It happened. The bubba bob seniors broke up. Don't know how this will affect the lovebirds. I assume they can now date or something. What I have to tell you is what Mrs. bubba bob senior told me. She bought a new double wide and moved in. She tells me that bubba bob senior stayed at the old house and said he needed to watch his stuff so no one took it. After a couple of months she was talking to bubba bob senior's sister and his sister mentioned the fact that they were separated. This was news to her so she called bubba bob senior and asked him if they were separated. His reply was yes. Now maybe I'm a little slow when it comes to this but I think if I lived apart for a couple of months I might pick up on that we were separated.

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