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redneckisms too
The first page got too large so here's more of the funny redneck things.
I live in North Carolina, and cannot tell you of how many RedNecks
drive around in Camouflage painted trucks! I definitely pull off
the road when I see this behind me in the review mirror! Wouldn't You?
Michael
These redneckisms were sent to me by Jeremy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You might be a redneck if:
your favorite thing to do on any give evening is to go armadillo hunting.
Your idea of a good time is letting the dogs come inside the house
just to see what they do.
You don’t own a single pair of shorts except your cut-offs which are
for swimming only when going skinny-dipping isn’t appropriate.
You ride around, spin the wheels, and pop wheelies on your lawnmower
before exclaiming "and it cuts good too!!"
Your wireless phone service doesn’t reach your house, but does get
a good signal on a hill out back in the pasture.
You think camouflage goes with anything.
Your boy ain’t right.
This is a small list of funny stuff that I have taken time to write
down. Hopefully you will enjoy it.
Ate Thanksgiving dinner with the family of a friend. Whe we first arrived
I was being introduced around. When I got to the living room I noticed
there was a guy on the computer. On closer inspection I saw he was playing
a game called Deer Hunter II. Thought it was somewhat odd that someone
would deer hunt on the computer but that didn't, at the time, seem near
as odd to me as it did that about a dozen grown men were sitting around
watching watching him.
Marie sent this to me:
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I've heard a friend of mine tell this story for years: A cousin of
his, from North Carolina, told him that one of his friends had died and
he'd been asked to be a ball bearing at the funeral.
A co-worker pass this along to me:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend of hers was telling her about the food another friend cooked
and got her to try. She said it was quite spicy. When asked what it was
she replied "I don't know but it had a lot of that canine pepper in it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've heard that stuff has a lot of bite.
Marilyn sent me this:
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I would like to report a mass redneck sighting. I recently attended
the Monster Truck Show. Yes, you read that right...the Monster Truck Show,
I will not plead insanity, but will note that I have a fourteen year old
son. Well, during the course of the evening's entertainment one of the
monster trucks went too fast and was involved in an accident. It obviously
was an accident and the driver had to be taken away by the paramedics.
People cheered. Also another driver, whose truck was damaged in the accident,
tore off a piece of chrome from his truck and threw it at the injured driver's
vehicle.
Was at Pizza Hut eating the buffet. While I was getting some pizza
I heard the guy (very redneck looking. coveralls, redman cap and all) next
to me say Ow. Looked over and he had been trying to get a piece of pizza
from the other side of the buffet and burned his arm. As I was walking
around to the other side of the buffet I heard again Ow! This peaked my
interest so I was watching him. Consider I was on the other side
of
the buffet opposite him. Sure enough he tried again and again OW! He never
got the pizza because after the fourth time he just walked away rubbing
his arm.
Young woman from work passed along this one:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friend of hers had some dental work done and when she asked her how
she was, if she was in pain, she replied "no he gave me tylenoid with cocaine
so I don't hurt anywhere."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't doubt it! That tylenoid is powerful stuff.
Bill from Greenville sent me this Redneck Sighting:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Billy Bob and Tommy Joe run into each other on the street. Tommy Joe
is carrying a large sack. Billy Bob says "Hey Tommy Joe. Whut you got in
that sack?" Tommy Joe replies "Jus' some chickens." Billy Bob ask "If I
guess how many there' are, c'n I have one?" Tommy Joe says "I'll give you
both of them if you can". Billy Bob says "OK. Umm, five?"
Last year a neighbor had a string of lights that looped along the top
of his mobile home for Christmas. That same string of lights was still
there this year. He added to the string so that it stretched over to a
storage building and from there to a tree. Then it goes back to the edge
of the trailer and from there to his fishing boat which is parked in his
front yard. In the middle of the boat is a tire rim with a pipe in it and
across the bottom of the pipe are two poles tied on. The string of lights
then runs up and down to make the shape of a Christmas tree. Only thing
I'm wondering is what is he going to do about fishing between now and next
Christmas.
Saw a bumper sticker on the back of a pick-up today and it said: "Discourage
inbreeding, ban country music".
Uh . . . .well . . . . I uh . . . . don't know exactly how to say this.
It's a sensitive subject. Heard a young woman talking about her grandfather
being sick. Seems he had some kind of attack and they had to call an ambulance.
She said he stopped breathing and they had to give artificial insemination.
There I said it. Now I wonder if it worked.
This redneck sighting was passed along to me by Carlos.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His story goes "I was in the diamond station last sunday afternoon
when an overweight woman whom I suspected might be a redneck was at the
register. I backed off to a safe distance to observe the behavior. She
reached in her bag to pay for her gas when all of a sudden her underwear
hit the floor! She turned around and looked at me dead in the eye and said
"I knew that was going to happen". She made no effort to pick them up but
after paying waddled out with her drawers around her ankles and got into
her pickup truck".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks Carlos. That's a sight I don't even like to think about. Anyone
else with a story send it to me and maybe I'll use it.
Heard this standing in line at a store. I've translated as best I can
using what it sounded like to me. "Wul ah thank they should outta send
all them furners back where they come frum or at least make them larn anglis
lak the rest of us uhmerikuns."
Saw something today I found quite amusing. I was following a pick up
truck full of rednecks. Had to be at least six of them in the cab. Tried
to determine male from female by counting Levi Garrett and Redman caps
but I finally gave up. I have noticed that some rednecks are now wearing
their caps backwards. Don't know what this means but I do find it interesting.
Anyway, this truck had one blue fender, one red fender and a brown hood.
The rest of the truck was a mixture of some color I couldn't identify and
red primer. The tailgate was tied on with rope and the whole truck leaned
seriously to the right. Now for what I found amusing. The truck had an
antique vehicle license plate on it. There's just something about that
image that made me laugh.
Just so people won't complain that I only knock Mississippi rednecks.
October 4th I went back to my home state Louisiana for an event called
Swampstock. Tim McGraw is from Start, Louisiana which is a small town outside
of my hometown Monroe, Louisiana. Each year he does a benefit to build
a sports complex for the local kids. He and a lot of celebrity friends
play a softball game first and then do a jam type concert afterwards. If
you're ever near north Louisiana in the first part of October it's worth
the trip. Now to the redneck story. I saw every kind of person from fellow
old hippies to serious redneck racist types. It was really hot that day
and people were dropping like flies keeping the paramedics busy. One went
down close to where I was sitting and as they were working on them I heard
a lady sitting next to me tell a young boy ,I assume was her grandson,
that they passed out from heat frustration. I thought about it and it was
frustrating for it to be 95 degrees in October. I met Tim's mother there
and she signed her book, A Mother's Story, for me. She's a fascinating
person and if you can find the book it's worth the read.
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